i'm on the lookout.

My recent horoscope on The Onion:

CANCER: They say animals can often sense an earthquake moments before it strikes, which explains why so many of them are smiling at you right now.

I don't like that one bit. Smiling animals are creepy. Doesn't matter if it's computer generated or the animal accidentally doing something that resembles a smile. Still creepy. And suspicious. Take this guy for example. I don't trust him for a second.

So since #1 horoscopes are, of course, always accurate and #2 everything you read on the Internet is absolutely true, I'll now be on the lookout for creepy, smiling animals. Oh and preparing for an earthquake. I DID recently add to my food storage so I could live off tuna and applesauce for a month if necessary.
And speaking of creepy, look what I saw online today:

Who is making these creepy dolls and more importantly who is buying them? Considering my peering Cabbage Patch doll maybe it's my parents.

dreams of flying.

I really really love this series. Makes me wish I had thought of it.

VANESSA: #25 is for you.

oops. part deux.

Remember this? I’m guilty again. Except instead of seeing the tuft of feathers floating around afterwards, this time some large feathers managed to flip up onto my windshield. And because it was raining they all stuck. Right there. Judging me. Giving me no choice but to stare at them until my wipers slowly brushed them off to the side and eventually out of my view.

But on a happier note, I’m almost certain the bird survived. He’s alive and somewhere out there flying a bit crooked. See? I only hit the tough ones.

fortune cookies NEVER lie. usually.

On the off-chance you can't read this blurry/low-lit/unreadable picture, I'll help you out: apparently I can open doors with my charm and patience. That's right, folks -- CHARM AND PATIENCE*. You heard it here first.

*Um, is this still true if three other people at the table received the same fortune?

denial.

Last Saturday's phone conversation with my brother:

Josh: Hey, whatcha doing?
Me: A little online shopping.
Josh: Oh yeah? What are you looking for?
Me: A hydration pack for my long runs. I need something that I can wear around my waist to carry my water and gels and stuff.
Josh: Oh, so you're buying a fanny pack?
Me: Oh, no no. This is a HYDRATION PACK. It's different. It's for running and stuff.
Josh: So you wear it around your waist to carry things in?
Me: Yeah, my water and gels and stuff. It's gonna come in pretty handy.
Josh: So you wear it around your waist to carry stuff? Just like ... a fanny pack?
Me: NO. See, it's ....
*silence*

Touché. Call it what you want. But my HYDRATION PACK arrived in the mail yesterday and I already love it. So there. I did have my fair share of fanny packs back in the day, though. My faaavorite was this little pink and purple number circa 1992 (ish). I loved its handy little pockets and bright blue zipper.


Next on my shopping list: SHAPELESS SHORTS and RAINBOW SHAPED BANGS.